4th of July

Here I am still plugging along with blogging. I realized I do this every summer. Get way behind then catch up sometime in October. Being that my schedule has gotten significantly lighter (no more Young Women's :() you think I would have caught up a month ago but I guess October will always be my catch up month. And in case you are wondering I am still (STILL!!) dealing with the release. I was hoping to be over the sadness by now but it is still there. I am not quite as sad as I was but still think about everything way more than I think I should be at this point. I am stuck between thinking I am putting unrealistic expectations on myself to be over it and thinking that I really am going crazy and just thinking about it WAY too much. I kept hoping when they finally did give me a new calling that that would help occupy my mind but I got it Sunday and so far it hasn't helped a bit. Could be that the new calling of Relief Society Instructor which is a pretty chill and not very time consuming calling is why but I do believe if that is where the Lord wants me than who I am to question. I just wish I could shake the feeling that something huge is missing from my life. I know logically something is but I was just kind of hoping that once I was released all feelings of sadness and connection to the girls would go away too. I know totally unrealistic but that is how I deal with emotional issues. Not well! I give myself unrealistic expectations of when to be over the sadness but I keep being taught that I can't totally control that. But I do now that all will be well eventually.

Well enough with that depressing subject, now here is pictures from the 4th of July!

We started the morning with the traditional Provo Parade. My SIL Janel and her family is so nice to save us seats so we can go without having to get our kids up in the middle of the night to save seats. I really love this parade. So fun.

We are still dealing with Eme's fear of fireworks and loud noises. This year was defiantly worse than last year. I was hoping we would be going in a positive direction but it was not to be :(
She did eventually get a bit happier with the help of cousins and some coloring books. I love how Lydia just had to sit on Eme's lap her but she is not too much smaller than Eme! Fun cousins!

The cute Smith Family.

Kids were done at this point. I don't know why we try to do a picture after the parade.

Not smart.

After the parade we headed to my Moms for lunch and the slip in slide but I didn't get any pics.

Later that night we went to the park with friends for a BBQ and fireworks.

Eme did OK through dinner (she could still hear random fireworks going off even though she couldn't see them she didn't like it), started to get nervous and whiny as we set up the fireworks, then had a complete come apart once we started doing the fireworks. It was defiantly not a great parenting moment.
But Tayden enjoyed himself! I was so happy to enjoy fireworks with at least one of my children!

Thankfully Eme wiped herself out from the major tantrum at the park and feel asleep on the way home cause when we got home it was like we lived in a war zone. Fireworks everywhere! I loved it and thought it looked really cool. Even though we did have a good 4th I realized that we are dealing with something that is more than just a fear with Eme. It is a down right phobia. For about two weeks after she terrified to go to any park cause she thought they might do fireworks. And anytime we were outside and there was a loud noise she would try to go back inside. I being the tough love Mother I am made her stay and face her fears but then it would just turn into a major melt down which didn't help her fear and made me feel like a horrible person. Here is hoping next year is at least a little bit better cause I hate seeing her like that! Its so sad! Fingers crossed that next year is better!