Unexpected blessings

So I have been a bit blue the last couple of weeks. OK truth, I have cried more in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last two years. And that alone says a lot cause I just don't cry easily. Why you ask? I was released from my calling of Young Women's President and have been taking it a lot harder than I ever imagined I would. I have hesitated writing about this in a post cause I am not one that usually talks about stuff like this on here and I am so far behind that I feel like a horrible wife & mother for blogging about this first but I knew I wouldn't remember everything I am feeling unless I did it now. I have realized in the world of blogs that people fall into two categories of blogging. The ones that have a flare for writing & talk about emotions with pictures here & there or people such as myself that talk about every detail & post every picture but don't discuss a lot of feelings behind the post. My sister has recently been switching over (check out this one is my fave, love ya sis!) and therefore has motivated me to be more honest with my blogging. Cause after all I am doing this for my posterity and I want them to know about something I consider a significant event in my life.

So since I was told by our Bishop that the time had come for my Presidency and I to be released I have had a lot of different thoughts running through my head. Well that is a understatement. I feel like my brain is running a marathon and it won't end. I have felt since the beginning of the year that I would probably be released this year. And from then till it actually happened I have been hopelessly trying to change that. I served just over 3 years and really felt like I could do 4 and I really wanted to do 4. The girls I had in primary before I was Young Women's President were just getting ready to become Laurels & I really wanted to be in till then. And if you would have told me three years ago I would feel this way I would have laughed in your face. The first year of the calling I just prayed to make it to serve at least 2 years. I thought after that if I still was struggling I wouldn't feel badly for asking to be released. Crazy how time spent make you love those you serve. NEVER understood that until now.

As I have been pondering all these different thoughts I came to a conclusion about my life. NOTHING has turned out the way I have planned. I remember making a time line of my life for a school project when I was in High School. I put on there marry about 22-23. And I remember thinking because I since I would be kind of old when I got married (ha!) I would defiantly want to be pregnant by our first anniversary. And that would be the first of our four children (girl first then boy, girl, boy) that would span over 10 years so they wouldn't be too close in age but close enough that I would be done having kids by 35. Well as we all know other than birth order with kids (and if we have two more in store I would be thrilled!) the way my life has turned out has been very different than that little time line. Things that I thought I wanted (marriage to about 5 boys before Jer. I did date just took me awhile to find the right one!) and things I just knew I would not be able to live without (pregnancy) have proven to be very unexpected blessings in my life after the trial of not getting them the way I had planned. To put it lightly. That brings me to my current struggle of giving up this calling that I had come to love so much. Like I said I did not love it at first. In fact I thought that would be the trial just having the calling. Now I can't help feeling a bit lost and jealous thinking about the fun times & bonding with the girls that will go on with their new leaders. But even through the struggles I know that my time in that calling needed to end and I am very grateful for the time I had and the very unexpected blessing that it turned out to be.

I have a quote that I love that hangs above our couch cause it seems to fit the way our little family was created. I think it also fits well with this episode in my life:

"God does notice us, and he watches over us

But it is usually though another person that he meets our needs"

-Spencer W. Kimball

It took these beautiful young women for me to understand what a gift callings can be. It also took getting released for me to realize how many people in our ward care for me and appreciated what I was doing in Young Women's. It may sound silly but I really felt like most didn't think I was doing a good enough job. So many have been checking on me and asking how I am handling it. I was kind of close to hysterics when the Bishop actually released me in Sacrament meeting so it wasn't hard to tell that I didn't want the release!! I am really so blessed in my life and so grateful for the way my life has turned out & all the unexpected blessings I have received. Can't wait to see what is in store next!